Resolutions are for suckers

Jan 11

I’m a sucker for new years resolutions. I just love the opportunity to reflect on the previous year and set intentions for the upcoming year. Some years are more successful than others, because, as we all know, change is hard. Which has me thinking about what makes change, in fact, so hard.

Why do we break so many of our resolutions? Why do we go back on the commitments we were so determined to achieve in the beginning of January? What we know about making lasting change, is that, all too often we have hidden commitments, ones that are sabotaging our resolutions. Even if someone consciously wants to change, they may have an equally strong internal desire not to do so, of which they may be completely unaware.

As Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey lay out in their book Immunity to Change and their subsequent HBR article, The Real Reason People Won’t Change, understanding those competing commitments is the key to achieving our resolutions this year. And while this approach may help you with your personal resolutions (maybe this is the year I give up sugar!), it has an equally important insight to our work approach. First, we need to understand that those competing commitments exist because they have served us well. That is why this idea of immunity to change is so powerful. We are fighting change the same way white blood cells fight disease. Once we understand that, it is easier to identify what that competing commitment is and work to chip it away.

One year, I resolved to celebrate my team more. I had received feedback that my team didn’t feel valued by the organization and I realized that it was in part because I wasn’t bragging on their behalf. I came up with a slew of technical solutions to this problem. Solutions that were fairly easy to implement. I added to my action plan the initials of each direct report that I would cross off once I publicly celebrated them each month. I blocked off time on my calendar each week to identify celebratory actions. I even told my team I was working on it so that they could hold me accountable. Yet the initials rarely got crossed off on my action plan and I never held that weekly time. I felt compelled to understand what was holding me back, understand my mindset, and move beyond technical answers. I used the framework Kegan and Lahey created and went step by step.

Step 1: Identify the area you are hoping to change. In my case, publicly celebrating my team.
Step 2: List out all the activities you are doing that are not your intended change. In my case, instead of publicly celebrating my team, I was red-lining their work with tons of feedback. I was jumping from one success to the next problem without taking a pause.
Step 3: Dig deep to understand your biggest worry if you made the change. What would be my biggest worry about celebrating my team? When I really sat with that question, the answer I came to was that I was worried that if I publicly celebrated my team, I was opening them up to the criticism of people who would disagree, who would say that my team wasn’t doing such a great job. My competing commitment was to protect my team from criticism. And when I dug deeper, it was more personal. If my team was receiving criticism then it would shine a light on me not being a strong leader and I had a competing commitment to protect myself.
Step 4: See if your assumptions are correct. Do some tests to understand that if you made the change, would the ramifications lead to your biggest worries. In my case I started bragging to the CEO of the organization, shouting out my team’s excellent work semi-publicly. Once I saw that this didn’t lead to the CEO questioning my team, I was then able to make more public statements.

The biggest worries are likely different for every leader. I had a colleague that worried if she wasn’t perfect, she would lose all credibility, so she wouldn’t start until everything was perfectly aligned. I’ve seen other leaders worried that their value-add would decrease if they delegated. And I’ve seen leaders afraid to bring in support because it would show that they couldn’t do it all themselves. Making the changes you want to see for your organization, even when you're committed, are hard. But if you are truly committed, then it’s time to get clear on how you might be sabotaging yourself.

And when it is time to test your assumptions, you might still need some extra support. That is where coLeague comes in. Having someone to help who is objective and experienced, can help you spot your hidden commitments and push through to creating something that is truly beneficial for your people. In my case, it was a trusted colleague that helped me understand my limiting mindsets. You might also find you need some extra hands to help. If testing your assumptions means having more voice from your staff, but you don’t know how to start, or looking for solutions that are beyond your expertise, a trusted Chief People Officer can help you. Succeeding at your resolutions doesn’t have to be a solo act. Change is hard, and having an experienced change agent by your side, might be just the support you need to make it a reality this year.